Ignoble House
by Done Gone Died On Us
Summary: Lily gets trashed. James gets lucky. Remus and Sirius make up (and watch James get lucky). Updated after many busy years of life. and a little AU to suit my perceptions of canon
1. Sirius

July 5th, 1970

The lights glowed dim in the parlor, softening the noisy chatter of the house guests. Ten year old Sirius Black sat frowning in the high backed chair, looking very uncomfortable in a tailcoat and polished black shoes. He had received his Hogwarts owl, it being his birthday. And was feeling a little dejected. He would obviously be stuck in Slytherin along with his brother Regulus, whose birthday party would start tomorrow morning, when the guests from his party were rested and well-fed. His mother would go wild even though for generations they had been a Slytherin family, and he would have to pretend to be happy and ready to take over the world, set an example for his brother, and give the Blacks a good name...

The skies had darkened, and Regulus was nowhere to be seen. Sirius scanned the room for about the millionth time. Wayne and his uncle Chaucer Malfoy were talking to shady looking Rothman from the pawn shop in Knockturn Alley...his fat aunt Araminta was chatting with Rufus Tonks, and he was rubbing her elbow. Sirius stuck his tongue out, momentarily unable to take his eyes off them.

Just as he was returning to staring out of the window, he felt his ears being tugged on, and was about to yell out in pain when the calloused hands of his twin brother covered his mouth. Sirius smiled inwardly and bit down. Predictably, Regulus let out a girlish squeal and his stern mother cast a threatening glare their way.

Yes. He would definitely end up in Slytherin, Regulus thought ruefully, narrowing his eyebrows and dragging Sirius out of the room.

"You better be glad that Georgina and Lancey are waiting for us, or I-I-don't know what I'd do to you." Sirius bit his lip intelligently at the challenge. Regulus continued, "James Potter's grand-uncle died and he and his mum and dad are meeting with the will-writer man."

"So?" he replied. He did not blatantly dislike the Potters like his brother and cousins did, but he didn't like them enough to care either.

"Bea and Janice got the house elves to rig dad's fireplace, and Gina and Lancey are over...this is going to be so exciting..." Sirius looked his brother over with barely masked distaste, rubbing his stinging ears meanwhile. Reggie was almost resistible when he wasn't being so stupid. Who cared about the Potters anyway? But as he started swiftly down the stairs below the trapdoor, beckoning eagerly back, Sirius had no choice but to follow.

As Reggie had said, Bellatrix and Georgina Lestrange, Gina's boyfriend Lancey and his sister (and Bea's best friend) Janice were all gathered around the roaring blue fire wherein a couple sat on an ornate sofa. A pale woman with thinning brown hair had her face buried in her hands and a fatigued looking man had his arms around her, saying something that was lost to the noise of crackling wood. Reggie wasted no time rushing over and sitting as close to the fireplace as he could without catching on fire. Sirius, on the other hand, went over to his dad's mahogany desk and chair and settled himself comfortably there with a volume of Wizard Market Analysis. A voice startled him out of his attempt to concentrate.

"They're not doing anything that interesting anyway," said Janice disappointedly. "They don't even _want_ the money, can you believe it?"

'Yes,' Sirius thought, but settled on simply looking away from her disgustingly flawless thirteen-year old face. As she was used to his moody personality, Janice fished instead for attention from her brother and his best friend, who were only too glad to give it to her. Sirius sighed. He didn't want to go to Hogwarts. It would be just like home except worse. His eyes wandered to the couple sitting on the sofa. He never remembered his mother and father looking at each other that way...

Remus Lupin had heard about a commotion over at the Evans' and decided to go investigate. It was something about a prank phone call informing Petunia Evans that a witch would come and get her. Now ordinarily, Remus wouldn't have paid any attention to that sort of thing. The kids of the neighborhood were all muggle, his being the only magic family, and the sort of rumors that drifted in those parts were hackneyed and rarely had any truth to them. His grandmother although, was really close to Lily Evans, who came over to read to her every Saturday and sometimes even walked back home with him when it got really late. He'd heard Petunia crying one night in the yard when he was getting back from flying in the woods, and resolved it was the least he could do to help Lily's sister.

Making sure he had his granny's stolen wand in his pocket (she was asleep), Remus knocked on the door. Petunia answered the door before his second tap, and the fake smile on her face evaporated as soon as she could get a clear look at his expression.

"Who are _you_?" she asked. "No one's home, I can't tell you how to get to the main road." Remus was at a loss for words, and he opened and closed his mouth feeling as if nothing he came up with sufficed.

"Who's at the door, Pet?" he head a faint voice from upstairs.

"Can I come in?" asked Remus timidly, looking at the doors that lined the wall upstairs.

"NO ONE!" Pet screamed in response. "No, you can't come in." Remus's eyes shot back to the scowling face of the girl in front of him as the door which he was staring at clicked open. A small red-headed girl came bouncing down the steps. She looked happy, but there were tear-streaks down her face.

"You live with Mrs. Lupin!" she cried. "Why are you standing out there? Come in, won't you?"

"Sure," said Remus, feeling none of his initial apprehension at talking to people (muggles no less). He boldly faced up to Petunia, who still had her arms crossed in front of her, her nose crinkled.

"That old hag down the street?" she asked. Lily glared.

"Oh please don't worry about Pet," said Lily, "Come on up to my room, my parents are gone off to Morocco or somewhere, and I'm so bored without Lyddie, my rabbit you know, or anyone to play with."

"I'm telling," he heard Petunia whine before she closed the front door. "It's your turn to tidy up the kitchen, Lily," she said. Lily ignored her.

The walls in Lily's room where an off-white color, as were the bed, desk and armoire. There was a dresser with an elaborate mirror, and to the right of it was a door which he guessed led to a small bathroom. The dappled sun streamed through the window, and the soft white curtain puffed and fluttered with the light breeze.

"Nice room," he commented, though it seemed to have absolutely no character. But then again, maybe he hadn't seen enough rooms to know.

"Thanks," she said, inviting him to sit down by sitting herself down on the bed. Remus did not sit down, but looked instead about the smallish room. "I hardly stay here anyway. I go to Immaculate Mary's, and during the summer I usually travel with my dad, or my mum sometimes. But they both wanted to go this year and left me at home with Petunia." The grim annoyance seemed out of place on her mild features. As he looked away uncomfortably, a piece of parchment lying on the white dresser caught his attention. He moved toward it, immensely pleased. If it were what he thought it was, the mystery had been solved for sure.

"Don't touch that!" Lily cried out. Remus smiled, looking happily at her face, which had gone pale. "It's not a joke!" she exclaimed, jumping suddenly down on the bed and off it, but he made no move to get the letter.

"Relax, Lily! I've gone one too!" he said, slightly bewildered. He stuck his hand in his long trench-coat pocket (the only muggle thing he was comfortable in), pulled out his Hogwarts letter and gave it to her somewhat like a peace offering.

"Dear Remus Lupin..." she began, her eyes darting back and forth over the page. "It really _isn't_ a joke..." she said.

She seemed to consider it for a second. "Mum and Dad want me to go," she said. Her eyes were eager as she looked up at Remus. "They're really into the witches and medieval stuff. We own an antique store in London, but Pet would miss me..." her nose crinkled in a slight frown. After a brief moment of silence, Remus settled himself on the bed next to her.

"Speaking of London, would you like to go with me to Diagon Alley?" he asked, "I-it's this place...a wizarding place...to get the supplies-on-on the letter...?" Remus wasn't used to asking people to go places with him, but somehow he must have thought she would accept.

"Sure," she affirmed, "How do you get there? Do you take a broom or something?"

Remus chuckled. "You take the subway," he replied, and Lily grinned. The beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A week later, one Peter Pettigrew received a letter inviting him to go to Hogwarts School, and his parents decided not to disown him to the muggles.

"Adams, Luther."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Bigby, Zarah."

"HUFFLEPUFF."

"Quinen, Wendy."

GRYFFINDOR."

"Candy, Catherine."

"RAVENCLAW."

"Davids, Jashan."

"RAVENCLAW."

"Goggle, Gavin."

"SLYTHERIN."

"Err...Black, Cosmos Celestius Cerebrus Sirius The Nineteenth?"

"..."

Sirius wobbled uncertainly up to the Sorting Hat, embarrassed not so much that every single eye in the Great Hall was focused on him but by his cousins at the House Tables who were undoubtedly about to start laughing at any second at all his middle names. He couldn't help it that he was a favorite of the family, he thought, slipping the hat on. It smelled like sweaty cologne. Immediately, he heard the crawling voice in his head.

"This is odd..." it said, "I almost regret this decision..."

"What?" he thought in response, "If you're thinking I'm geeky enough to be in Ravenclaw or something, don't bother..."

"No, no, lad! Not Salazar nor noble Rowena's house..."

"Then?" Sirius' heart fell with a heavy thud. His parents would be so disappointed. His blood turned to ice and the Hat announced its decision to the hall. "Oh no," he heard Janice croon.

He could just see the malicious grin on Regulus' face. He had been blatantly resentful the past two months, only to find out that he was the heir to the legacy. A black owl Sirius recognized flew directly to the last empty chair at the Gryffindor Table and dropped upon it a red envelope.

"Black, Regulus," Old McGonagall continued, having paused a second for the non-existent applause. She paid no attention to the other twin being sorted in, and applauded heartily, but watched instead the poor little boy slipping unnoticed from the hall, holding a smoking Howler.

* * *

July 5th, 1976 

"_I hate you_," Sirius hissed. The faint giggling of Kreacher, head house-elf echoed mockingly through the hallway. His mother's faked sobs subdued.

"You-you _do_?" she whimpered exaggeratedly. With an unexpected motion of her wand, a giant fireball materialized and hurtled down the hall to the opposite wall. Sirius's name lit and burned with great flamboyance. The letters cast themselves in random order like fireworks, filling the air with the pungent smell of combustion. When all of thirty-seven of them burned away, Sirius looked toward the entrance, shadowed by the ornate doors. Bellatrix and Narcissa, and his twin brother Regulus surveyed from the same corner as Kreacher stood by the door, with slightly uneasy looks on their faces.

"I hate you," Sirius screamed, and pulled out his wand, aiming at her regal, slightly bloated figure. Her own was handier, and she hardly hesitated before flinging her retaliation.

"Mum what are you--" Regulus attempted to step in between them before he stopped to dodge his brother, flying at him top speed. "Sirius!" he yelled reflexively.

"Would you like to join him, Reggie dear?" The fear in Regulus's face subsided, replaced by an expression of indecision. He went to Sirius's side first, handing him an old unused handkerchief from his back pocket to curb the bleeding in his ear.

"No, mother," he said, and bowed his head. Bella giggled and walked to her aunt's side. Narcissa gave them all a dubious look.

"Sirius Black," his mother pronounced in a formal tone.

"What?" he spat back. A few house-elves brought him his trunk, broom and owl as he fastened his cloak.

"You are no longer part of this family. Get out before I get you out." Her eyes gleamed with tears that he seemed not to have noticed before, and they contrasted vividly with the smile on her face. "Leave, now," her voice shook, but Sirius felt no remorse, "For as long as the family line extends, you will ever be a traitor of this Noble and Most Ancient House."

The wind blew ominously and Sirius walked briskly off to summon the Knight Bus, swearing not to look back at Twelve, Grimmauld Place till that dreadful woman was banished to hell. He bumped into a dark figure headed toward him and smiled in greeting.

"Hey, Potter, how are things?"

"Fine Padfoot. Need any help with those?" Sirius handed over his trunk and clicked his wand on the pavement, seeing the headlights of the Bus stop an inch from their faces.

"Twenty-eight sickles, Mr. Potter; How is your sister holding up?"


	2. Remus

"Hey, James?"

"Yes, Cerulina."

"I hear there's going to be a _festival_!"

"Yes, Cerulina."

"So, who're you taking? No one?"

"Yes, Cerulina."

"Take me?"

"Yes, Cerulina."

"James?"

"Yes."

"JAMES?!"

"Yes."

"James Harry POTTER!"

"What?!"

He turned around and ran right into Lily Evans who was trying to dodge him while juggling about twelve books and five long wooden sticks.

"What's wrong with you, you...PRICK!" she yelled, her voice dangerously close to tears. He was way past care; well, here he was screwing up his last inkling of a chance with her. _What else is new._

"Oh! Gosh, Lil', so sorry, I'll make it up to ya with a butterbeer, how 'bout it?" he said stacking up all her heavy tomes with a flick of his wand. He didn't sound sorry at all.

"In your fucking dreams, Potter," she said, her voice hollow. She gathered her sticks and marched off. James watched her hips sway down the dungeon passage, not fazed in the least. Cerulina gave him a sickened look before tugging his arm in the opposite direction. He followed, and a dreamy smile spread upon his face. She'd get over it.

As he stepped through the portrait hole, his girlfriend hot at his heels, he spotted his best friend glaring out of the frosted windowpane in a corner of the common room.

"'Sup?" he said, shoving him over to make room for himself. A subconscious smile flitted across Sirius' face. Cerulina settled herself in between the two of them, and grazed her leg across James's best friend's.

"Hey," Sirius flirted, his eyes not quite into the whole thing. James was well acquainted with and rather indifferent to Lina's sluttiness. It was just how she was; she couldn't be tied down, and she cared genuinely for no one. Lina craved attention. She had exemplary grades, and she got past solely on booksmarts. She could have topped everyone in OWLs, and gotten every single Outstanding, except that the marks were rescaled every year according to year long performance, a fact that very few knew. Lina had no attention span, for her teachers at least, and she was lacking in the extra-curriculars. In his opinion though, James thought wryly, _she was pretty well rounded._ Lina snaked her arm around his neck, and he leaned in, but spotting Lily entering the portrait hole (trying to pull owl feathers out of her hair) he drew back.

"_James,_" Lina whined. James sighed in reply.

"Why don't you and Sirius go have fun in Hogsmeade, huh?" Sirius' head snapped back from when he had lapsed into thought.

"What?" he asked.

"I wanna visit Moony in the Hospital Wing," James said. Lina gave him a suspicious once-over and her eyes wandered over the Common Room.

"You promise?" she signalled behind her with her thumb.

"Heh. no chance," Sirius interrupted. James frowned and threw a pillow at him.

"Take the cloak, and don't get caught," he said. Primly, she smoothed her pleated skirt and took Sirius' arm.

"Come, hot one," Sirius said. James saw many jealous glares shot their way, and fought down a vicious urge to throttle Sirius.

"You look beautiful, as always," he cheesed, knowing that whatever he said would recieve the same acrid reply.

"Go away."

"You're overworked, Evans, starting to kill that heavenlyface of yours." He grinned as he looked up at her, fingering his non-existent beard, giving the impression that it was the right opposite of heavenly in the first place (which it most certainly was not). She looked to be on the verge of saying something when her loud friends rushed over to the both of them.

"Lily!" one said, shooting James an 'I'm-not-checking-you-out-but-want-you-to-know-it' look. And obviously Lily caught that. Her voice seemed to have gone all tranquil and satiric suddenly.

"_Hey Wendy_," she said.

"Oliver McGee, y'know the boy in sixth year? He just asked KATIE to the fair at Hogsmeade, and she turned him down! he says he's going to jump off the Astronomy Tower! You absolutely _have_ to come, Lily," she prattled. James watched as Lily's face remained expressionless, signalling an obvious retort at the girls' superficiality. He tried ignore Wendy's nasal voice piercing his skull worse than a Crucio ever could...or he imagined so.

"We need more guys like Oliver McGee. I wish _you _would throw yourself off the Tower, James," Lily joked, and seeing her sparkling eyes James felt as if even if he had, he'd just come floating back up. She rarely acknowledged his presence around her friends especially. Lily's chair grated against the hardwood floor as she followed Wendy wherever. James vaguely registered her friends' laughter tinkling in the air like the tree leaves in early autumn. Lily's best friend May, the quiet girl with the long blonde hair in braids gave him a rare smile and a consoling pat before the group of girls flitted off to dissuade Oliver from "Killing Himself."

May's appearance reminded him that he was supposed to see Remus, so he followed them out of the Common Room so as not to leave Lina any obvious trails of evidence. Most likely the first person she'd ask was Remus. If it weren't for her reputation, James would've thought she was getting too possessive. Lily just seemed to bother her more than any other girl he even talked to, but of course there was no way she could know that he was in love with her; even Sirius and Remus didn't know. But maybe he underestimated the Marauders and their covert channels of communication. And he wasn't in love, he corrected, just mildly obssessed.

He reached the Hospital Wing before he could stop to think. Remus was asleep and thoroughly exhausted (Poppy Pomfrey insisted he stay until the boy woke up so Remus would have some company). James settled on a loveseat that was so soft it seemed to suck him in. An old copy of Witch Weekly told the secrets of mascara and the intricacies of wand contraceptive. James shuffled through it absently, settling on an article about how to impress men. Before he could start reading though, a scratchy voice interrupted.

"So he didn't jump off the ledge. We found him and Katie," she cleared her throat, "Taking reconciliatory measures, er--so to speak." Lily grinned. James couldn't help a sudden acceleration of his heartbeat at her talking to him so civilly.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, sounding as surprised as he could. "You've come to _look_ for me? And I'm not hexed into oblivion yet?" She frowned. "Ahh...you haven't looked in the mirror yet," he stage-whispered. Lily looked panicked.

"James Potter, I swear you," she wagged her finger, but noting the glint in his light eyes she stopped.

"You're kidding?"

"Yes."

"I hate you."

"You don't."

"You're right, but don't assume things or I really will."

"You won't."

"No, you're right."

"Do you two ever stop arguing?"

James and Lily turned toward Remus. He was clad in the skimpy hospital rags, and flecks of browned blood spattered the kerchief tied round his neck.

"Hello," said Lily. "We're not arguing." She smiled, but gave James a puzzled look. He did not speak.

"Erm..." James began, catching Lily's eye. The last thing he would want out of this was for Lily to get suspicious. She already did not support their escapades, heaven forbid if she knew, it would only be more convincing that they never should have meddled in the first place in Remus' life. At least not in that way.

"Don't worry, Prongs, Pomfrey took very good care of me," he managed a feeble grin, "best she could, anyway."

"Oh." He was very conscious of a pair of eyes firmly fixed upon him, but he could not bring himself to look at her. He could never bring himself to hide things from her, much less to lie. He wondered how she became so important all of a sudden, and nursed the regret he was feeling at her two-faced behaviour.

"Well. Umm...I have to go to the kitchens now, I'm meeting...er-" he looked for any sign of emotion on Moony's face, "someone."

It registered upon Lily that usually it was always Sirius (on full moon nights) that she walked to the Hospital Wing with. James was the one who brought dinner and the day's homework later on in the night. She'd assumed since it was Saturday that he was making an exception, but obviously something was wrong. Or had maybe gone wrong. Something which, she concluded, obviously involved Sirius.

James was almost out of the door before Lily stood up as well. She bent down to kiss Remus hurriedly on the cheek, hoping to catch him at the end of the hall before turning right into the stairs that lead to the pear.

"Don't push him, Lily, he'll be alright," Remus whispered. She gave him a stunned look. He'd meant to say "--without you interfering," or something of the sort, she knew. Indignance bubbled within her, but she sighed.

Of course, he was right. James, like Sirius, was a very explosive personality. He could never yell at Lily, so if she kindled anything within him, it was only logical that he would take it out on someone else, or most likely himself.

Nevertheless, she kissed his pale cheek, and ran out the door, her Gryffindor robe and scarlet scarf flying close behind.

"Hey! James! Hold on, will you?" she gasped. James quickened his pace.

"Hey! Wait," she gathered her scarf and ran to catch up with him.

"What do you want, Lily?" he asked.

"You're going to the kitchens, right? I'm a bit hungry; missed Breakfast." James seemed glad of the opportunity to change the subject.

"What were you doing anyway?"

"Oh, just setting up for the fencing class," she looked expectantly at him.

Lily had started a magical defense club back in her second year with the help of Flitwick and McGonagall. It involved levitation, telekinesis, sword fighting, and elementary wandless defense, among other things that James found to be utterly useless.

"Hmm, right," James said. She'd been trying to get the marauders to join for the longest time.

"Don't worry," she said, as if to read his mind, "We're even anyway."

He assumed she was referring to his insistence the previous night that she accompany him to the annual fair in Hogsmeade in February. None of the Hogwarts students were really supposed to know about it, but it was just one of those secrets reserved for the upperclassmen that they, in fact, were allowed to attend. Average Hogwarts turnout every year was about three or four people, but this year, Wendy Quinen of Gryffindor had somehow succeeded in convincing all the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws of sixth and seventh years already to attend.

"Speaking of which, your little friend needs to learn how to keep her mouth shut." He had originally intended that only Lily and the Marauders know that such a fair existed.

"Kind of how you lot are always shut up to people who care about you?" she replied.

"Yeah, just like that, actually. If you haven't noticed, the Marauders really don't like gossipy Bertha Jorkins' who poke their nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Bertha Jorkins, I needn't remind you, works for the Daily Prophet, as a very prominent reporter. She has a stable career, and cartloads of money, which is more than I can say for a couple of Chudley Cannon rejects who can't get into Auror school." They had stopped at the top of the stairs and stood, glaring at one another.

"I'm sorry," they said together.

"It's alright," said James. Lily smiled, and they set off toward the ticklish pear.

In Hogsmeade, Sirius and Lina sat in a booth at the Three Broomsticks.

"We are very much alike, Sirius," she said. Sirius nodded, and his floppy hair sent tingles up Lina's spine.

"What do you say we visit the Shrieking Shack, once more for old times sake?"

Sirius cast his eyes down.

"Why not?" he said sullenly, draining the last of his butterbeer.

"Or," Lina said, as obviously she had made the wrong suggestion, "we could go to Zonko's and look at their new shipment of adult toys?"

"But-but-we're underage!" he said in a mocking voice.

"Oh we'll find a way..." she snickered, "little Elvis Zonko's on duty till one, and he'll never even know the difference." Sirius grabbed her hand, and thought to himself that girls like Lina were not meant for prudes like James anyway.

In the Kitchens, James and Lily found Peter, talking to the Head "Chef".

"Hey guys," he greeted. "We've made a deal for the after party for next week's Gryffindor game." The House-Elf nodded exuberantly, stirring a large cauldron of bubbling soup, floating six feet in the air to reach the spatula.

"That's only if we win, Pete," James reminded.

"'Course we will," said Lily, looking at them both in turn. "You'll put Antonio in instead of Mulls, won't you?"

James crinkled his nose. Antonio was Lily's newest boyfriend, a Spanish boy with a thick accent, and flying skills to match if not surpass James'. He was a seventh year, and Mulls was a second year reserve. James was reluctant to put him in because he would be graduating so soon, not to mention he was competition.

"Come on, James? Please, for me, huh?" He looked at her.

"I guess," he said.

"Well, it's not like its going to be that hard to beat Ravenclaw anyway, same team as last year," Peter said.

"But Woodyard, that fourth year girl has some muscle, gotta watch out for her."

"Oh, well, Wendy's told me that Mark Matthews just dumped her, and she kind of lost it in the girls room yesterday after Herbology."

"Doesn't that mean that she'll want to pound the living hell out of everyone?" asked Peter, puzzled.

"Of course not!" She made a sweeping movement with her hand, "Everyone knows that she doesn't perform well under stress." James made a mental note to inform the team of this so they would have a slight advantage.

"Doesn't Mark Matthews play Quidditch too?" James asked Lily.

"No, he used to, remember back in our fourth year, but he joined the Quodpot club, and well..." her eyes twinkled, "you know how secretive they are." James couldn't draw his gaze away from her pretty face, sort of forgetting that he hated gossipy girls.

"Yeah, well, they're just mad that Quidditch is a way better sport, that's all."

"For once, I'd agree with you, James," she said. She thanked the house elf who brought her the chocolate pie.

James nodded and was soon lost in thoughts. The house-elves chattered softly. Peter and the Head Chef seemed to be having a very entertaining conversation about Hawaiian fish.

In his hospital bed, Remus tossed and turned with gory nightmares about werewolves slaying Hogwarts Students sneaking through the violent, thrashing tree.


	3. Quidditch

More than anything, Remus dreaded writing the letter. Potions would be fine in the morning as someone had left the nasty little Professor a dose of the old Welping Welt Cream on his drink instead of Whipping Cream. He had N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy after that, and then Defense Against the Dark Arts after a quiet lunch in the Kitchens. The rest of the day would follow in much the same fashion, as he'd found it had since the row with the Marauders. If he didn't write it now, well, procrastinating only made things harder.  
  
DEAR SIRIUS,  
  
I AM VERY SORRY ABOUT HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN BETWEEN US, AND YET I REALLY FEEL AS IF IT HAS BEEN THAT WAY BY NO FAULT OF MINE. THAT IS NOT TO SAY THAT I HAVE NOT SUFFERED THROUGH OUR AWKWARD SILENCES AND, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD, I FIGURE THAT I HAVE SUFFERED MORE THAN YOU HAVE ANYWAY. ATLEAST JAMES AND PETER REMAIN ON YOUR SIDE ON THE MATTER OF MAY MERRIWETHER, ALTHOUGH DAVID AND GIDEON, I AM SORRY TO HEAR, ARE NOT SPEAKING TO YOU BECAUSE OF IT. I AM DEEPLY REGRETFUL ABOUT THIS, TO DEPRIVE YOU OF YOUR FRIENDSHIPS (THAT AS I WRITE IT SOUNDS VERY SELF-PITEOUS, BUT IT IS AN ACCURATE INTROSPECTION)--  
  
There was a knock on the door of the sixth-year boys dormitory.  
  
"Remus!" gasped Lily, her eyes almost aquamarine in the dim desklamp- light.  
  
"Yes, was there anything you wanted?" he turned back to his paper and fiddled with his quill. There was something about her eyes, something that he so longed to unearth but which plagued him with the very same realization that it was never in his fate to be the one to do it.  
  
"Well," she said carefully, though lost on Remus anyway, "I can always cover for you, but I just wanted to remind you that the Prefects' meeting is in less than hour. I thought we could go grab some coffee because its bound to last all night, but obviously..."  
  
Remus pictured her in his mind's eye, her graceful and shapely body, her deep and solemn eyes..."No, no, I'll be there," he could not help but sound churlish. He could not work out, though, whether it was because of Lily, her beauty and inimitable stateliness, or because (as he tried to convince himself) she thought him so weak, and so irresponsible.  
  
"I just have to finish this letter. I'll be in the Common in fifteen, alright?" He shot her a forced smile, and she grinned innocently back.  
  
THE FACT OF THE MATTER THOUGH PADFOOT, IS THAT I COULD NOT FACE YOU, COULD NOT AND CANNOT BLAME YOU FOR ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE. I UNDERSTAND YOUR NEED TO LASH OUT BECAUSE OF YOUR FAMILY AT OTHER PEOPLE, OR TAKE IT OUT ON ME OR JAMES, OR PETER, OR FOR US, IN ANY CASE, OUT ON PEOPLE WHO DO NOT DESERVE IT AS DO THOSE YOU ARE ACTUALLY ANGRY AT. THIS HAS BEEN A SENSITIVE TOPIC BETWEEN US, AND I DISCUSS IT EVEN NOW VERY RELUCTANTLY, BUT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE THAT BELLA APPROACHED ME IN HOGSMEADE, OUR MOST RECENT TRIP, AND--  
  
How could he put it? Looking out of the window he could see Sirius and James high up, almost above the turret, which itself was hundreds of feet above the ground. They were lunging and diving,only to pull up sharply to avoid the bludgers they had charmed to follow them around. There was one that grazed the back of Sirius' broom momentarily, making a screeching noise as it turned again to gain momentum, and sending some twig powder flying. Remus's heart jumped to his throat, and he almost stood up, as if he could help something.  
  
Who was he kidding? If Sirius, his best friend didn't understand, no one would. So what had he to hide?  
  
SHE SAID TO ME THAT RIDDLE HAS GAINED AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF SUPPORT WITH INSIDERS AT THE MINISTRY. THE DAILY PROPHET LIKES TO LET US BELIEVE, YOU KNOW, THAT HE'S SOME KIND OF CRAZY MANIAC, BUT THE DIPLOMACY, THE POLITICS SHE'S TALKING ABOUT TO GET THE KIND OF PEOPLE HE DID, BY BLACK- MAIL AND WHATNOT, WELL, HE'S BEEN WORKING AT THIS A LONG TIME OBVIOUSLY. SHE SAYS THAT REGULUS IS WAY UP IN THE PECKING ORDER, AND SHE SAID IT LIKE 'YOU KNOW, SIRIUS MUST'VE TOLD YOU,' ONLY YOU REALLY HADN'T.  
  
I WISH, FIRSTLY, THAT YOU WOULDN'T KEEP THINGS FROM US. JAMES DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY'S INVOLVEMENT...WELL, THEIR EXTENSIVE INVOLVEMENT IN THIS MATTER, AND HE'S GOTTEN (HIS FATHER HAS) MORE THAN A FEW DEATH THREATS. SIRIUS, YOU LIVE WITH THEM, AND HOWEVER YOU TRY TO ESCAPE YOUR PAST, YOU CAN'T CHOOSE YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE A BLACK, AND I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE COMPLETE BASTARDS LIKE THEY ARE, BUT YOU OWE IT TO YOUR FAMILY, THE ONE YOU CHOSE, I MEAN, THE POTTERS, TO ATLEAST ACT THE PART. YOU HAVE ENORMOUS POWER HERE, AND POTENTIAL. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP, ESPECIALLY AS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY YOURSELF, BUT YOU MUST, ONCE AND FOR ALL, SEVER YOUR TIES. MAKE YOUR DECISION, SIRIUS, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, AND COMPLETELY.  
  
YOU CAN'T KEEP TAKING THINGS OUT ON SNAPE, AS MUCH AS HE ANNOYS PEOPLE, HE IS STILL ON YOUR SIDE. I AM MAKING MY BEST EFFORTS TO BE MATURE ABOUT THIS, AND I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE THE INTENSITY OF THE FEELINGS I WENT THROUGH THOSE FEW MOMENTS WHEN I WAS HUMAN AGAIN, AND I HAD FEARED I'D HURT HIM. SNAPE, SIRIUS, EVEN HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR SILLY ATTEMPTS AT REVENGE UPON THE DARK ARTS, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL.  
  
His scrawl was beginning to become illegible, and for someone as neat as Remus was, as composed, it signalled the beginnings of his fraying temper. There were five minutes left until he had promised to come down to go to the Kitchens with Lily. He remembered that he had vowed to be as little lecturing as possible, and somehow the letter had turned out to be a roll full of it.  
  
I CANNOT WISH FOR BETTER FRIENDS THAN I HAVE NOW, AND EVEN THE FACT THAT MAY IS NO LONGER SPEAKING TO ME, WELL, I AM NOT SO WORRIED AS I GAVE YOU THE IMPRESSION. OVER THE YEARS, YOU AND JAMES ARE WELL AWARE, I'D BECOME SLOWLY OBSSESSED WITH YOU-KNOW-WHO, AND MAY WAS THE ONLY GIRL WHO HAD SOMEHOW MANAGED TO MOMENTARILY DISTRACT ME. I UNDERSTAND, THOUGHT, THAT HER PAST EXPERIENCE, LIKE YOURS, BLIND HER TO ANYTHING WE COULD EVER MEAN TO ONE ANOTHER. PADFOOT, I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING, AND I FORGIVE YOU, AS I FEEL YOU SHOULD SEEK FORGIVENESS, FOR YOUR IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR. I CAN'T STAND THE RIFT BETWEEN US, AND TO HEAR JAMES' WEAK ATTEMPTS AT GETTING US TO TALK TO ONE ANOTHER, OR PETER'S UNEASY NONCHALANCE, AND I HOPE THAT WE CAN PUT EVERYTHING BEHIND US.  
  
UP TO NO GOOD,  
  
Remus Lupin.  
  
He sealed the letter, and rushed down to the Gryffindor Common to meet Lily.  
  
"You're late," she said amicably, slipping her right hand through his empty arm, "Four minutes."  
  
James had scheduled a practice for that afternoon for the team. Coming out for breakfast, he could see his lovely girlfriend chatting amicably with Lily. Wendy sat looking extremely sullen, her fork and spoon resting on her eggs and her arms crossed on her chest. Sirius was folding paper airplanes and Remus was enchanting them to fly in circles around the Great Hall. Peter was nowhere to be seen, and James remembered that he had told him to go with a house elf shopping at Hogsmeade to set up for the Halloween Feast in a month.  
  
He was nearly at the Gryffindor Table when Wendy caught his eye and stood up, knocking down her chair in the process. He had definitely done something, by her expression, but before he could remember what, she had started yelling at him.  
  
"I'm sooo sorry I ruined your stupid, 'exclusive' party, and that I'm a "Bertha Jorkins" or whatever, but just in case you didn't know, without me you stupid Marauders would be nothing, you hear me?"  
  
"Wendy!" said Lily.  
  
James looked at Lily, resisting the urge to laugh. Who did she think she was anyway? A recording agent? She made them?  
  
"I'm sorry, James," she said, "Wendy-you silly idiot, I didn't..." he didn't bother to listen to the rest, but walked to where the Marauders sat now with their attentions full on him.  
  
"I still don't want to put Antonio in, what do you think, Black? I mean, am I losing too much?" he said, as if nothing had happened. Sirius surreptitiously glanced at Remus.  
  
"Ummm, well, James, I think you should put Antonio in, but if no one on the team likes him, then well I think its worth cutting him. Quidditch is a team sport, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. That'd mean that I'd have to work Mulls a little overtime, and that Beater, Rebecca King, she's been a little spotty, right?" He chewed thoughtfully on a piece of bacon as Remus seemed to consider his remark.  
  
"She broke up with me last week, and I think she's dating Matthews, Mark's brother Brian, I don't think we can count on her for Quidditch anymore," he said. James cursed, looking up at the blue between the clouds. Suddenly, there was a chin in his direct line of vision, and he bumped his head trying hastily to sit up straight.  
  
"Fuck, Potter, what the hell?" said Brunhilde Albrecht, a fourth year. Her hair was a beautiful burgundy, and her arms were the most muscled of her well-toned body.  
  
"Genius! You are officially a godsend. Brunhilde would you play Beater this year? I really don't want to hold tryouts, the first years are looking awfully scrawny..."  
  
"...and hopeless," she agreed, "Yes, 'course I will, for a price," she grinned warmly.  
  
"Huh?" said James.  
  
"Take me to Hogsmeade this weekend."  
  
"Okay, but we have practice this afternoon, can you make it?" She looked over at where Lily was sitting with the other 'popular' Gryffindor girls. "May was supposed to help me with my Potions. Its not even the first week and Professor Caspian's assigned us all the hard ones to research," she said. James frowned. He was not one to have patience with anyone about anything.  
  
"But...umm...I guess I'll try to come and..."  
  
"No, its alright, I guess," said James. Brunhilde thanked him and ran off saying that she'd definitely be at their next one.  
  
"What's the matter, Prongs?" Sirius asked, rhetorically. He didn't look very interested.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking about that Transfiguration essay that's due on...er...when's it due again?"  
  
"For Merlin's sake you can quit it with the act, alright?" said Remus. He glared at his plate, but before he could say anything, the bell rang to signal the beginning of the day. They had Potions first.  
  
Lily was in a very happy mood. For her happy was sometimes bad because she ended up doing extremely stupid things and hating herself for it. She had very brainless friends, meaning they made no effort to stop her, only egged her on and laughed about it later. There had been a Quidditch match, which Gryffindor had won, apparently. She drank an awful lot of the punch the Marauders had brought in with them, and she felt very cold.  
  
"Woo! Isn't it a bit drafty in here, or is that just me?" She grabbed a hold of the nearest had, which actually turned out to be the shoulder of an extremely short first year, to steady herself. "Should you be in here?" she asked, her sober side peaking out. "Ahh well, who cares, right?" she giggled, "Try the punch, its spiked," she giggled again. The girl looked at her nervously then at Remus standing next to her with a scary expression on her face. Lily followed her gaze back to him.  
  
"Haha-" she paused for a hiccup, "you - spiked - the - p--" she tripped on her feet missing him by a few inches. He reached out an arm to catch her and dragged her over to the plush sofas where a few were knocked out cold. He had a feeling she'd be doing the same thing in a bit.  
  
"He-ey--Re-mus!" Lily laughed, "you are very warm you know that?" Remus tried to disregard the stares they were giving. Or rather, they were giving Lily stares for the huge burp she had just let out. She began laughing rather enthusiastically once more, and Remus resisted the urge himself. As repulsed as he should have been at her breath, which reeked of alcohol, or her flushed cheeks, he was encaptivated by her sparkling eyes and small, red mouth. Her freckles--  
  
His thought were interrupted by a call from across the room.  
  
"Hey, Moony, pal, you mind getting off your girl to help your friends out a bit, you've been neglecting them quite I'll be sworn," mocked James. He grinned at the four litre bottle of pineapple punch he held down with one hand as he poured the firewhiskey in with his other.  
  
Remus looked back at Lily, and signalled at Peter, looking close to tears from a seventh year's rejection.  
  
"Oh...ugh...you're a mess, aren't you?" he said, struggling under the weight of her as she fell right on him with a sickening thud. He lost his balance over the arms of the sofa and managed to grab the edges of Lily's Hogwarts robes so she didn't hit the wooden coffee table.  
  
"Phew." Someone squirmed under him. "Oh, sorry about that," the boy smiled, though whoever it was had gone right back to sleep, and settled on the floor next to Lily. Remus gave him a thumbs up sign, and Peter remembered he was supposed to be mourning.  
  
Remus went to help James mix the drinks.  
  
"Where's Sirius?" James pointed nervously at a shady loveseat by the girls' staircase where he and Cerulina were getting a bit...Remus looked away, vaguely repulsed.  
  
"I guess all you need is to make it official, I'm sure after tonight the fanclub won't buy that you guys are going out anyway."  
  
"Yeah," gave him a moody glare as he refilled the punch bowl, "Look at that ugly old witch, Melanie Griffort over there, she hasn't stopped staring since I came in from the game today." Remus let his gaze flit over the common room. She wasn't ugly at all, only her glasses masked her face and her pale skin made her orange hair all the brighter.  
  
"Well, she has potential," he said. James pulled a face.  
  
"Uggh, Lily looks better than her," he said strategically. He was met with a shocked look.  
  
"I thought you liked her!"  
  
James studied his friend for a moment.  
  
"Look, Remus, I know you like her probably way more than I ever could," he seriously doubted it, but went on, "and she'll probably love you in a way that she could never love me, so I'll be the noble guy this time--"  
  
"Wow," interrupted Remus sarcastically.  
  
"No, no, seriously, you and Sirius have made up, but I don't want things like that to come between us again."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I mean, girls, even enemies, come and go, right?"  
  
"But the Marauders are forever."  
  
"And Lily...wow...she is wayy out of my league. Not even my type, we'd never last," James concluded. It was Remus' turn to give him the once over.  
  
"I dunno," he said, "you scared me a little there making--what was it?-- FRIENDS with her?" James laughed. "I was just...tired of her hating my guts," he said. A couple of girls came to get punch and gave them flirtatious looks.  
  
"But I'll tell you who to watch out for," said James watching their hips sway as they walked away, "Is Antonio--"  
  
"James, come on, you know that's a Quidditch thing!"  
  
"It is not!--not a Quidditch thing, I swear, you should hear the things he says in the changing rooms, he's really got her whipped." They exchanged a meaningful look.  
  
"I guess," said Remus, inconclusive. James pressed his shoulder briefly and went over to talk to Jenna and Stephanie, the girls who'd come over a few minutes before.  
  
He was stopped in his tracks however, as alarms began to blare loudly, accompanied by flashing lights and screams.  
  
"Calm down everybody," said James, "It's probably just McGonagall!" There was a partially muffled curse from Sirius who'd stood up, dropping Cerulina to the ground.  
  
"You stupid bastard," she cried, dusting herself off and smoothing her hair.  
  
"Hurry! get up to your rooms, quick!" James and Remus rushed. They hastily accio'd the sloshing punch bowl, table and cloth up the stairs as the boys rubbernecked behind it.  
  
"Walk around it, damn it!" he shouted when the Portrait Hole creaked behind them. His heart jumped to his throat. "Uh-oh."  
  
"That's perfectly correct, Mr. Potter," said the angry voice of McGonagall, "How many times must I do this before you learn your lesson? No more warnings, Potter, I didn't think you'd go so far as spiking the punch!" He looked down, silently willing her not to think of giving him a detention. He saw Remus and Sirius on either side of him and felt slightly better.  
  
"Detentions, all three," she said.  
  
"BUT-!"  
  
"Why didn't Peter?!--"  
  
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"  
  
McGonagall glared at James, who'd made the last remark.  
  
"And for your information Sirius, Peter is just a responsible for this as everyone else who's participated in this downright debauchery. FIVE POINTS from EACH of you!" she said.  
  
"Wow," said Peter, "that's a lot of points." The others glared at him.  
  
"Clean this up immediately, you three, and if I hear word you did anything to Mr. Pettigrew here, it'll be a ban from Quidditch altogether."  
  
"Yes ma'am," they said in unison. The bystanders began to grumble and help them clean up even though McGonagall hadn't asked. The ones who weren't quite sober were escorted up by Brunhilde and Antonio, who, James was very unhappy to see, was all but carrying a groggy Lily up the boys staircase.  
  
McGonagall ruined everything, he decided, and the rest of them cleaning up downstairs agreed entirely.  
  
A/N: I have numerous syntax errors, I understand, and all the facts...well, I've kind of adjusted them to fit. I don't understand why all of you are so quick to correct me...not that I don't appreciate it, it gets annoying after a while hearing how Tonks was Tonks by her mother's side and not her fathers...blah-blah, well how do you know they're not already married? Maybe he's her brother, huh? Never mind, I'm complaining now, but watch I'll ask you guys to correct me later.  
  
Another thing, I kind of get the feeling (as I write this fic) that I'm repeating myself...like the words and things, but I just have to get done, and maybe I'll revise it (if I ever get done, all these plot bunnies are totally distracting).  
  
I know the run-on sentences are hard to follow, and that's just how I write. Maybe when I have some clarity in my mind (when I've gotten rid of these silly ideas) I'll reconfigure everything to make a little more sense.  
  
Thanks, and please R/R.  
  
-Me.  
Top of Form   
  
Bottom of Form 


	4. Marauder

_

* * *

Carve your heart out yourself  
Hopelessness is your cell  
Since you've drawn out these lines  
Are you protected from trying times? _

_Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has   
But man it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all. _

_Oh look now,   
There you go with hope again _

* * *

At the end of fifth year, all Lily Evans could remember was how exasperating James Potter had been. From the Sorting Feast on the first day back, when he started singing Happy Birthday to her instead of the Hogwarts song (and eventually even Dumbledore joined in) to the day before the O.W.L.s where scheduled to start, and he'd made her tap dance in the middle of the Common Room to cheer everyone up, James Potter had completely driven her bonkers.

Now, well, he was ignoring her. No, that wasn't the right word, but...it was different somehow. She got the feeling that he wasn't interested. It was general knowledge, if you'd asked fifth year (when Lily was first made Prefect), that he was completely besotten with her. Quidditch star James and Lily Evans the prissy goose, she and her friends could not stop laughing at the thought.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized that her life was so dependent on them, The Marauders, and she was barely aware of it as it happened. She'd gone from a mere "fellow Gryffindor Prefect" to best friend and confidante to atleast one out of the four of them at any given time. She could distinctly remember her resolutions never to get in with that crowd, mostly because of James Potter, and now she thought how silly it all was to think she could control it. Especially given her friendship to Remus, there was none of the initial...initiation to go through for her, and such a tight knit group as they were, if Remus trusted her, they did too. Although at first, their trust was unexpected and unwelcome on her part.

As she got closer and closer to Remus Lupin fifth year, the true nature and the intrigue of the Marauders were revealed to her. She found out their secrets, the first Lupin himself had divulged, and the rest, she had deduced and eventually confirmed. She had originally thought that James and Sirius were completely shallow, from the rumors and gossip, that they had really rich families and bloodlines to be traced back to the medieval times. And such opulence, she was convinced, could only turn out spoilt brats. Eventually, she came to meet their respective families, over the course of the summer, first the Lupins, then the Potters, and then to her absolute discomfort, the Black family.

The Lupins were nice, to sum it up. His mother looked pale and sickly, much like Remus, and his father could've been a much livelier person, except for the expression of perpetual brooding on his pale face. His hair was light and airy, like Remus's, and his figure somewhat bulkier. Remus looked more like his mother though, his chin without cleft, and face clear, eyes a deep, delectable hazel. She, Lily thought immediately, had to be one of the most beautiful people she had ever met in her lifetime, albeit slightly depressed.

Lily felt sorry for Remus, after only the one day she spent with him in his four-story cottage. His parents made their best effort to be cordial, passing the peas dutifully and sending their son reassuring glances all throughout the meal. She had a slight suspicion that they thought that she and he were somehow romantically involved, although she was sure they never showed any signs of being so. They treated him like a fragile crystal vase, and Lily noticed, his father Matthew was always cutting his mother short when she spoke to her, as if he were afraid she'd embarass him, or maybe Remus. Remus himself had looked down at his plate the entire time, and Sirius and James seemed totally unaffected. She imagined that that came with practice, or maybe they really were different when strangers were around, although it did not seem believable.

Lily remembered the days when he'd visit his great aunt's (not grandmother as she once thought, but Matthew's father's sister), and would come by her house. He even brought her and Petunia a pack of chocolate frogs once, and Lucille some cat treats from Magical Menagerie. She didn't even know he had parents, and now she knew why he "visited" so often.

She visited the Potters' a month later, when James had scrawled a hasty owl to her around six to tell her to come over, the Marauders are planning a great adventure or something. Lily did not like James very much, and she knew him the least out of all them, but she was curious, and slightly pleased that they had included her...a girl, and non-Marauder, so she did not hesitate much before flooing over to the Potters'.

The expedition turned out to be a bust, as the 'Ancient Martian Footprints' Sirius had unearthed actually turned out to be chicken feet from the Weasleys' coop next door. Godric's Hollow, Lily thought, beat the Martians by a gazillion, with no thought to Sirius's exuberant protests. She told him he was a stupid Martian, and he had actually gotten angry. The houses in Godric's Hollow, though, were so odd, and so fancy at the same time, like a mosaic of individualistic expression far from the even green lawns of Little Whinging, where she lived. She envied them for that still, though she'd come far from thinking of them as little spoilt hooligans.

For some reason, James's parents amused her rather than intimidate her as the other two had done. Part of the reason was their house, which in stark contrast to the oddness around them, was perfectly normal and homey. It seemed almost the kind of house that she would have loved to live in, with just enough rooms and a cobblestone path through the secluded wood, though she doubted that she'd ever end up with a house like that...in that neighborhood no less. But nonetheless, she quite admired the Potters, who like James always stood out from those around them.

When she met James's mother, she wasn't sure if she was supposed to squeal and run into her arms or resist the temptation and just smile, like everyone else was doing. She was so small, and girlish looking that she could've passed for a fifth year herself. Lily quickly grew fond of her, and they talked about as varied subjects as their favorite Wireless Stations and Descriptive Wandless Charm Theory. James seemed highly displeased that Lily was getting along so well with his mother when his father had visibly put down her attempt at being friendly.

"Hello, Mr.Potter, what's your favorite soup?" she'd said. He'd 'hmmphed' at her, replied a curt "Tomato," and turned away.

"Oh Brian, stop being so uptight," Mrs. Potter chastised good-naturedly, "How about you, James?"

She really liked James' mother.

The Black House was the stuff of her worst nightmares, and judging by the looks of things, the nightmares of Sirius as well. She didn't meet his parents at all. They actually only went there for a brief span of time to get Sirius' broom so they could play a game of Quidditch in the backyard of Peter's grandmother's house. She caught a glimpse of what she assumed to be his mother, though, glaring at her through the open Library door as they walked by to go downstairs. She heard from Remus later that night that Sirius was in serious trouble, and she couldn't fight off the feeling that she had something to do with it. She hadn't discussed her suspicions with any of them, and then the...thing with Remus, whatever it was, had happened...

Now, it seemed to be that all of them hated her for a number of reasons. Sirius, for whatever happened, and the other three (Remus and James for the most part) obviously working through some discrepancies, probably decided that it would be in their best interest if they dropped her completely. Things were so strained ever since they had gotten back, and sixth year, like fifth year wasn't looking very promising. This time, she didn't even have her friends to give her any solace as they seemed vastly shallower now in comparison to James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. That was what she had found attractive in them in the first place. They never talked about their parents, or the Dark Arts, or Politics, only boys, and the next essay due, which involved the boy who they would ask to study with them.

She was friendless, and beside classes (which had become unchallenging), she was bored with life in general.

* * *

May stirred the gray smoky liquid in her cauldron.

"Lily, have you squeezed the flobber out yet?" she said impatiently. Lily gave May a testy glare.

"No, Madam," she retorted.

She sighed, "I'm not really in the mood, alright?" she said.

"So I hear Gideon Prewett's asked you to the Festival," provoked Lily. Gideon had asked her, but wasn't talking to her over something she'd done to Lupin, the reason that they were fighting in the first place.

"Yeah," she snarled, snatching the flobber out of Lily's hand, "And you're angry, and jealous, that James, your beloved, seems to care nothing for you at all and your grades are slipping because you can't help but spend most of your time pining away for him."

The bowl in May's hand blew up miraculously, and the Potions Master Bertrand Woarywatt deducted twenty points from Gryffindor.

* * *

Sirius jumped at an explosion in front of them, and seeing May and Lily arguing again, sullenly returned to his own Delvie's Draught. The girls' petty problems were a source of intense entertainment to him in past years. He would anger a few of them and pit them against one another, put in a few rumors of boyfriends cheating on them with this girl or whatnot, and they'd go at it like hyenas. He found it predictable these days, and he seemed to be finding everything sort of predictable. The Lily-Remus-James love triangle, for example: he still didn't know who Lily liked, but she'd probably end up with Remus because of James' silly hero complex.

It infuriated him, really, that he always ended up trying to suppress a murderous inclination whenever that came up. He felt like James' charity case. Oh, and it wasn't even his relatives in Slytherin house, either. He even heard Remus and his best friend Cerulina have a candid discussion about what a depressed psychopath he was and--now that he thought about it, it was highly hypocritical of Remus to be saying the things he did. He looked at the mumbling Lily Evans with a renewed hatred. Petty bitch.

"I'd say its done, wouldn't you Remus?" said Sirius, smiling.

"Yeah, Padfoot, I'll turn it in," he smiled back.

_Perfect couple_.

* * *

"Ohhh...dont kill me!!!!Wahh gak-gak," said the black Queen, blood spurting out of her mouth at her last words.

"Ohhh! Dear Prince Montague, my queen has been slain by your heartless Lord, how will I ever make mad love to you again?"

"Worry not, we will find a way! Hah!--take that," said the bishop in his princely voice, slashing down a helpless black pawn.

"Milord!" squeaked a white horse girlishly, galloping across the board to embrace the black bishop.

"You are...my early morning sunlight!" said Prince Bishop, coming at her.

"And you, my dear Prince," said Lady Knight, "Silvery creature of the night, most elusive to my beseeching heart!"

As the Knight completed her dialogue, she noticed that she'd passed right past the Prince and turned around, searching for him on the white side of the board.

"Oh Prince!" she cried, barely missing an army of two pawns trying to run her over.

Peter gave a happy chuckle, as if it were the most entertaining thing in the world, and Sirius was looking quite bored. A group of second years were watching attentively as Lily and James made a great show of their chess game turned puppet show.

Suddenly, James turned Lady Knight around, "Oh Prince Bishop!" he squealed, "Please don't leave me!"

"Bridgette! My raven-haired, ivory-skinned...snubble-wubble!"

James, or rather Lady Knight wailed, saying to Prince Bishop, "I can't possibly live without you!"

Without warning, there was a bang, and all four of the castles seemed to have committed group suicide and jumped off the side of the table. The smoke cleared, and Lily put away her wand as Prince Bishop told the white queen, "Oh, dear, it seems I have lost my memory!"

Just as Lady Knight was running over, crying "You hussy, look what you've done to my poor amnesiac prince!" someone else interrupted.

"Damn it, do you lot ever get tired of your pathetic lives?" shouted Sirius, standing up from his armchair. The second years turned more enthusiastically to Sirius, hoping for a momentous Marauderian row, sure to be more entertaining than some chess game. James gave an inaudible sigh at another of his best friends random mood-swings.

"Aww, Padfoot! James was just about to get...her...man..." Peter trailed off at the murderous look on Sirius' face.

"Really, Sirius," said Lily, "calm down."

James gave Sirius a disapproving look.

"Come on, Evans. Lets work on our Potions in the library." Lily glared at Sirius, not budging. "The Prefects have a study session, remember?" he iterated, grabbing her shoulder and trying to steer her out the Portrait Hole, "Remus will be there." Sirius turned away from Lily and speed-walked up to the Boys Dormitories.

"Alright," whispered Lily to the ground. The rest of the Gryffindors watching turned their disappointed eyes back to whatever they were doing before.

Peter started chattering with Fabian, a fourth-year, and part of the Marauders' ever-growing entourage and the common room resumed its normal activities. Lily, though, lagged behind James, catching snatches of two second-year girls' conversation.

"I mean, who does she think she is anyway, right?"

"...breaking them up..."

"...that...hag..thinks..."

"best thing since..." They shut up when they saw her strain to hear them. Lily fought to regain her composure, and sped up, looking straight at James who was far ahead of her.

Knowing James they probably weren't going to go to the library. The Potions essay was assigned only that morning, only two and a half feet, a comparison of Phosphorescence and Phosporescent Potion and their background science. Lily finished it as she ate lunch and the boys, the Marauders, Gideon, and David had "paraphrased" it earlier that evening.

"How does the Prefects' Quarters sound? I mean, they're not in anyway," said James,talking out the Marauder's Map from his cloak pocket.

"What? Oh--yeah," agreed Lily half-heartedly, "probably off copying my essay from Remus." James didn't smile at her poor jest, leaving an awkward silence as they turned right walked up the winding stairs that lead to the Prefects tower.

"El Cid Campeador," read James, squinting at the map in his hands. A trapdoor swung open above them, like the one in the Divination and Astronomy towers, right on top of Lily who spluttered from the midst of a cloud of dust. She was still waving her arms in front of her when the dust had settled and the rope ladder had fully unraveled before them. James didn't seem to notice, only held the trapdoor open as Lily climbed up the ladder in a hurry.

"Umm... so what's wrong, exactly?" she said, feeling uncharacteristically shy. She wondered, looking around for a comfortable spot to sit, if she did in fact ruin the Marauders' friendship, and that was why they were being so secretive.

Maybe they were going for something a bit more graceful and more orchestrated than 'Bugger Off, we hate your guts." Atleast "Bugger off" would've been a little more final than all this beating around she and James seemed to be doing lately.

"Well..." he begain. Come to think of it, she wasn't even sure she knew any plausible reason for them to be "dancing the avoidance waltz," as she'd heard someone put it. '_You're just being very silly,'_ she told herself.

"What has been going on, I'd really like to know." She cleared her throat. "There's this enormous rift betwen the three of you its like, I can hardly get through! I mean, to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about any one of you alone, you're like...a-a package, or something." James recovered from his momentary shock to give way to a slight indignance. So she cared nothing for _James_, only the "Marauders"? She went on, not noticing, "I heard from Remus that it was about some girl or something."

He opened his mouth to reply, but apparently it was a rhetorical question.

"I can only think it was May, because it couldn't possibly be old me, you had no problem with me before?" He shook his head. "Well then, I don't know how Remus could even think of telling that daft cow...anything as if she already didn't bloody know! Damn it, half Gryffindor knows, or suspects rather, I mean, it can't really be that hard for one's own roommates to figure out, you're not all that secretive, attention-craving bastards--"

"So why is May being all mysterious about it?" put in James edgewise as Lily paced the room.

"'Coz she's a daft cow obviously," Lily dismissed rather shrilly, "Do you know Remus' _muggle _father owled me last night saying he should come home Christmas Break because Sirius and he were having theirselves a fight and he'd blocked the family owl?"

She stopped. Obviously that last question required an answer.

"What?" replied an amused James, "I wasn't listening properly I think, last thing I heard was _'attention-craving-bastards'_, you weren't by any chance referring to me, were you?" He had been listening, admiring the way she got carried away on the vaguest tangents, and now at the expression on her face, her hands fisted on her hips like the bottoms of infants.

"What the bloody hell are you staring at Potter?" she laughed.

Smiling at her he answered, "Nothing, Prince Bishop."

Abruptly, Lily stopped smiling and looked away, and the twinkle faded from James's eyes. They were playing a dangerous game.

* * *

"So what's your summers with the muggles like?" asked James about an hour later.

They had been talking for a while about Remus' eccentric muggle grandmother and her equally scary children. Lily had met mostly all of Remus' muggle relatives at backyard parties that she brought food to so that she wouldn't be totally bored over the summer breaks all alone. Lily began to tell him about her parents who were never home, travelling to distant dreamlike places, forgetting they had a daughter and a home-life. Forgetting that they got their money from the antique store which she, their daughter, managed mostly.

James ran his thumb over a button of his cloak that he was lying on top of. Lily was sitting with her knees at her chest, her back to the sofa. There were seats all around, but they had somehow ended up in the middle of the circle, or rather misshapen oval of furniture.

"And Petunia," Lily was saying, "she's with her best friend Marge all the time. It's quite convenient, really, how her boyfriend happens to be Marge's brother because if mum ever calls to see if Pet's actually where she says she is, even if she's having sex in his bedroom, she'd be there, right?" He nodded, not bothering to look at her. "Well, she's rarely ever home to call or make sure anything. I hired an old squib, Arabella Figg to take care of the store, Mum and Dad are getting too old anyway, and Petunia wouldn't do it, so she owls me and everything so I can tell how everything is at any time, y'know?"

"Poor muggles, I can't think how they ever get on without magic," said James randomly.

Lily smiled. "Yeah, well, they don't know that it can be easier. Its the poor squibs like Filch and Mrs. Figg that I worry about. And she's been like handicapped, her husband's just died, and the guy used to do all the cooking and cleaning by magic."

James yawned.

"You bored?" asked Lily. He gave her a blank look, as if to say "no, duh".

"What do you want me to do?" she said defensively.

"Let's go see what Sirius is doing," he suggested.

"I thought you guys were not talking or something." James waved this off.

"Yeah, he has been a little grouchy lately, nothing to worry about, besides, I'm sure he's up to something much more interesting that _"oh-poor-miss-figg-her-dog-died". _I'm willing to swallow my pride."

"It wasn't a dog, you brat, it was her husband! Imagine if your husband died!" she said to his back as they left the Tower.

They argued all the way back to the Portrait Hole where they met Remus just going into the Common Room.

"Remus!" said Lily, "tell James here that Mr. Figg really is a wizard!"

James and Remus shared a look.

"Prongs, Mr.Figg really is a--" The three of them stopped in their tracks. The common room was empty except for Sirius, and...well..., the reason no one else was in the common room.

"You like him?" said Sirius, a huge grin plastered on his face. "His name is _Blurble_!" Remus gave a choked cough.

Blurble cooed, leaving a slimy trail as it walked to James, who was staring at the beachball sized blob of moving yellowish jelly in disgusted horror.

"He's my new pet. I made him out of leftover baked flobber from Potions class." He looked at them in turn.

"_Whaat?_ I was bored!"


	5. Done

_I've never had unpaid confidantes  
Its more than I would care to explain  
But I have an open-door policy  
When it comes to blame.  
-Incubus ("Sick Sad Little World")_

"Sometimes..." began Sirius, "I...well, I hate something, or someone, completely without reason. A manifestation of some kind of hate that I've been suppressing all my life." Montavius nodded. "Just...the day before they may have been something I'd been waiting for all of my life...like that stuffed rabbit Lily carries around all the time, and ...remember she lost it once?"

He nodded again, the rabbit was always a source of great curiousity for him, because Lily seemed too mature for such things. It was a part of her that obviously attracted the friendship of this little ragtag group his son seemed to be a part of, and a part of her he had never been privy to, being a parent and adult. And being nice to her probably would have helped a little. . Sirius began talking again after a thoughtful sip of his Macardi. Monty vaguely registered his son walking in with a few Hufflepuffs, admirers most likely.

"I always liken...things to feelings, or parts of my personality...or the personality of others, I don't know if you understand what I mean," he said.

"Of course I do, Sirius, everyone objectivizes, just don't realize," he encouraged. Sirius smiled at him.

"Well, this hatred I have for Snape, you know who he is, right?"

"Of course," he replied, "James can't quit raving about him."

"I kind of messed up, Mr.Potter," he said, "Snape said something about Remus, how he took everything sitting down, how me and James were stepping all over him and he took it because we were the only ones who'd be his friends."

"Now Sirius, what you did only proved him righ--"

"No, I don't think it did Sir," he interrupted, nodding in apology for doing so, "I was thinking to myself...I'll show you how spineless he really is--" The heated look on Sirius' face scared him. The intensity with which he felt would kill him one day, he was sure.

"Sirius," Monty began calmly, "You do know that you hurt Remus much much more than you could've ever hurt Snape." Sirius glared at his hands laced in front of him. "You _used_ him. Your psychoanalysis is not going to change the fact that you were _wrong._"

There was a long silence. Sirius refused to apologize, believing more than ever there was a reason he had done what he had done, though he knew in his heart eventually he'd have to confess to foolishness. He was not foolish, although. Maybe he had done it in the wrong way, but surely Snape _deserved_ some kind of retaliation for all those things he had done, gone totally unpunished. Monty let his eyes wander to James in the booth just a bit down from his own. Their eyes met for a fleeting second before James looked away with a smirk. He had his arm around a skinny brunette. She was beaming with pride as he discussed his Quidditch feats to, apparently, the Hufflepuff Beaters, who took it in turns to protest at his outrageous boasting.

"That's Marianne Worthings, she's the Catch of the Season. Hufflepuff Captain actually," with an amused grin he said, "He always goes for the fit, Quidditch-brained types."

"Is she, now," said Monty, "I'd always thought Lily was more his type."

"Ohh yeah," Sirius scoffed. He shot the boy a questioning glance. "Well, so do the Lupins, and the Pettigrews, and I bet my parents...if she was a Pureblood, and Slytherin," he explained, "she's the type to impress parents."

"So how are you doing in that department anyhow?" he asked, cursing with dismay at the empty glass in front of him.

"Just dumped one yesterday, but," he glanced at his watch, and dropping a few sickles on the table for the both of them said, "I have to meet one at Madame Puddifoot's in 'bout ten minutes."

Monty raised his glass to wave it in the direction of the bar, hoping to catch the barmaid's eye.

"Don't worry Mr. Potter," yelled Sirius as the door tinkled close, "I've ordered a couple more."

He chuckled as he saw Rosmerta approach his table with twenty Macardis on a giant aluminium plate and slid them on his table.

"Put it on Black's table, I s'pose," she said, and sniffed. Monty watched her walk away, but caught himself, seeing James do the same as she walked past him.

"James!" he heard Marianne exclaim, much like his wife probably would have if she had been there. James looked away from Rosmerta, intending to catch his father in the act. He saw the broad pink chalices of Macardi on his table and frowned. Mr. Potter, the glass in his hand almost empty resembled something of a deer in headlights at his son's disapproving glare.

"C'mon Marianne," he said, and upon passing Monty's table said "Don't try to apparate home, eh?" The brunette's face was a mixture of shock and curiousity.

* * *

Gideon Prewett had a lot to regret in his life. Had he lived a long and normal life as a wizard in those times could live, well, he'd be...working for Voldemort.

But, no, that wasn't the point. If he had been a squib maybe. No, wait. Possibly one of the few squibs to survive the purge of the Dark Lord's...

Come to think of it, Gideon only had the Dark Lord to regret for his forsaken career, love, and all the jealousy of the depths of his cold heart for Fabian who got the wife, Amy Bennett, and innocent, beautiful children, and the favor of rich auntie and singer Molly Prewett.

That's why he was feeling so awful that day, if fact, as he sat around alone the night before the Hogsmeade Festival.

Lily Evans said to him, "Cheer up, Gideon, Molly's still your aunt too, in fact, why don't you go and talk to her?"

Gideon could only think of his anger at the world, at all the people with interesting lives, teeming with favorite aunts, werewolves, animagi, Death Eater families, muggle-crazy grandmothers, murdered parents, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, why, he'd even heard that Bertha Jorkins, the school's longest running joke (since his first year) was the Daily Prophet's star columnist and Assistant Editor.

"Oh shut your stupid, boring _trap_, Evans!" he snapped, feeling at the peak of his anger. She hmmphed, and turned away.

"_Whatever_," he mumbled feebly and directed a sullen glare at Molly and Fabian, who were having themselves a fine little chat by the Common Room fire.

Lily, between himself and the window, said something about Remus and May out in the Quidditch Pitch. '_Figures,_' he thought, _'what a thrill-sucking leech she is._' Even boring people found interesting friends to mooch off of. Sirius Black gave a loud snort, presumably at him, because looking up he saw Lily beside him holding the green blob with the crumpled parchment horn and lolling newt's eyes. Blurble the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. He heard that some first year with a crush on Sirius was working on a _female_...so they could _breed_, she'd said.

'_Poor, delusional fools,'_ thought Gideon.

"So, Remus says he figures Gideon Prewett knows he's a werewolf." Above the noise of the Common Room, Sirius did not miss the note of urgency in Lily's whisper.

"A lot of people know, Lily, but we're Gryffindors for a reason. We know each other's secrets."

A look of deepset disbelief settled on her face. "Really?" she said, noting that Sirius hesitated to reply.

"Yes, really, why are you being so suspicious?"

"It seems to me that more boys know than girls, are you going to tell me it's a coincidence?"

"Why don't you tell me what your insinuating?" said Sirius. A couple sitting nearby turned to look at them interestedly. He lowered his voice, letting them know of the confidentiality of their discussion. "...And I'll tell you that your being completely unreasonable."

"Alright Sirius, if you're going to be like this, I don't even know why I bother. I gave up my friends for you, so I could do your stupid charms on that stupid Map, and talk to those big-breasted button-nosed tramps for you, and I even gave up pining after my first crush and set him up with my best friend, who may I add, is my best friend no longer for that same reason! All for you vain, stubborn, childish--"

"It's not _my_ fault that you have a martyr-complex or something, you didn't have to say yes!" He gave her a cautious once-over, suspecting immediately that he'd gone too far.

"Sirius," she said patiently after a brief pause, "What are you hiding?" He examined the plush carpet, not able to meet her eyes.

"Alright, fine. I don't want to waste my breath on you four anymore. I'll take your advice. I don't have to put up with this irrational secrecy. It's quite clear you don't trust me."

Sirius did not know what to say to that. He felt the indignance swell, even as he looked across the room to catch Gideon glaring at him dolefully. That stupid bitch. He didn't need her, and neither did the Marauders.

"She's not worth your time, Black," drawled a husky voice from behind him.

"You read my thoughts Eleanor," he replied, reaching around and pulling her down next to him. She beamed at him, loosening her bun and taking off her reading glasses. She wore a really short skirt underneath her robes, and she shifted particularly, so that they slid off her knees and revealed her thighs, kept provocatively crossed. "Been working hard?" he asked, keeping his eyes from wandering in an attempt to irk her into making the first move. All through their date at Madame Puddifoot's, she had been downright prudish, playing hard-to-get so to speak, and he resolved to return the favor.

"You could say," she retorted, her constant smile fading somewhat. He remembered that Eleanor Jugson was in running for the Head Girl position next year, and that she had been in fervent competition with Lily ever since second year Potions, when they were in class together for the first time. She was always calling her "Mudblood", and making rude references to her muggle family. Sirius used to hate Eleanor for that reason, but recently, she'd taken a liking to him, and upon realizing that he'd never like her back if she kept harassing Lily, she'd stopped. "So," she changed the subject, "What've you got planned for tonight?"

Another one falls for the irresistible charms of Sirius Black, he thought, leaning down to meet her glossed, fruity lips.

Lily wondered where James was. He said something about going to the Three Broomsticks right after their Prefect's meeting in Dumbledore's office discussing Molly Prewetts' sharing the room with Amy Bennett, the Head Girl, and the number of people who would be going to the Hogsmeade Festival the next day.

_'It's six hours later...midnight...where could he be?'_ she thought frantically, pausing to catch her breath and rest her tired feet. She was amidst the dark school grounds, watching the rippled reflection of the sliver of moon on the lake. On the opposite bank, she spotted the shadow of an animal, racing through the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. Lily sighed with relief, _'there he is.'_ She plopped down where she stood, and got to nursing her blistered feet and waited for James to spot her.

When she looked up, to her surprise, she found a magnificent stag standing there, antlers tall and proud. She could not help but smile proudly. James, her friend James, the mighty stag. Shaking off her disconnected, frankly cheesy thoughts, she stood up.

"Hey," she said, "Would you take me around the forest once, for old times' sake?" He sat on his forelegs, opening his jaws to show his giant, browned teeth, she got on, bouncing with a childish excitement. James purposefully took off mid-bounce so she lost her balance and toppled to the ground. "Oww!" she screamed, "You bastard!"   
  
"You should've been careful," said Human James.

"Yeah, well, I know for a fact you did that on purpose, I just don't know why you lot are being so mean to me lately."

James gave her an "_Explain!"_ sort of look.

"You know, with all the boys talking about Remus and Snape, and everyone coming up to me, like I'm supposed to know."

"Oh, well...we don't want to tell you because we think you'll be disappointed in us, you see," he said, tactfully looking away from her.

"And Remus _forbid_ me from asking you, can you believe it?" she went on.

"Did he? _Forbade,_ actually."

"I notice no one's talking to Sirius, and I just got done telling him that if he didn't tell me what was going on, I would do the same."

"Sirius told Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack to find where Remus went every full moon."

"What?"

* * *

A/N: Shorter than most, please review with complaints/suggestions/comments.


	6. Lucky

I reached over for another Guinness, very close to toppling over, in fact, except for Remus's firm, solid body in the way. I didn't miss the look of warning that passed between him and James in the slight pause between Sirius' joke and Cerulina's declaration, "Beers all round!" She grabbed the box of beers right before I could get to them. I

"Amen," I blurted, though I had the distinct impression that it sounded nothing short of nonsense coming out of my mouth. James looked at Cerulina. She mouthed 'sorry', and I wondered if there was still something between them. I felt my head whirring pleasantly, and the alcohol warm in my stomach.

"There still something between you two? Siri, babe better watch out for her, eh!" I informed Sirius. I hoped he would take my words to heart, though I was drunk out of my mind. Someone had to say it, after all, and this way, there were no hard feelings. Well, me and Cerulina, but no hard feelings where there weren't any before.

"Lily, get a hold of yourself, will you?" Remus whispered in my ear. I began to laugh, and despite the fact that I didn't seem to be making any noise, I covered my mouth, and clutched my stomach in pain.

"Lily, you wanna head off to bed?" Sirius asked. I looked up to see that he had his hand stretched out to help me up. I stopped laughing. I did not want to go up to bed. It was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I'm sorry, I won't say things li' that, can I just have 'nother beer, if youdplease?" I managed quite clearly in my opinion.

"I don't think so, Lils," said Sirius.

"But…why not?" I knew why not. But they were mistaken, I wasn't in fact all that drunk, and who would know it but me? It frustrated me. They frustrated me. "James, tell Sirius to hand me 'nother, you've seen me plastered, and it takes more, right?" James had experience spiking my drinks. I couldn't believe I was here, getting 'plastered' with the Marauders and their silly girlfriends, and I was pleading for more alcohol from James, of all people. A laugh bubbled up within me, but upon trying to hold it in and failing, I discovered that it was only a hiccup. James looked up from the cards he was holding.

"Come here," he said, and held out his hand. I crawled toward him, mumbling my apologies as I trampled over the cards strewn over the floor. I managed a comfortable spot in his lap, and plopped my heavy head on his shoulder. His friends all looked at me with mouths agape, but I couldn't move enough to retort. Atleast James didn't make a big deal, only looping his hand behind my back so that I didn't fall backward, and around to hold his cards, a mere pair of pocket queens…a club and diamond, compared to the flush draw of hearts in the flop and turn card. If someone had a heart, they had him beat even without the river card.

James told me about the whole Remus and Sirius tension thing, and I was quite at a loss for any advice. I suggested that we all get trashed, and they would have no choice but to communicate, and we'd all have a good time in the process. We'd settled on the Prefect's Lounge, and a five-sickle buy-in Texas-Hold 'Em Game. So far, they hadn't said a single negative word to the other…or a positive one for that matter. The boys and James had all been surprised that I drank, but I guess afraid to say that they were in case I flipped out because they thought I was a prude. I wasn't quite sure I wouldn't. The only reason I did drink was because of my muggle friends, and going out clubbing with them over the summers.

"Baby, I think you'd better fold this one," I suggested.

"I agree, Lily darling," James said, throwing down his cards and pinching my nose. I smiled at his pretty grey eyes, imagining the looks of shock on everyone's face. James turned back, and from the corner of my eye I saw that the river was a Queen of spades.

"Trip fours," Cerulina sighed. Farrah, Peter's girlfriend smirked.

"A flush!" she declared happily. I think she's with Peter hoping she can upgrade to James. I feel sort of bad that I've taken him away. She can totally have him, I haven't the slightest feeling in my heart for him. I hope she wins the hand and it makes her night a little better. Everyone played this hand but James, so the pot _is_ kind of big. I told James this.

He waited until Sirius showed his Straight, and Remus his Straight Flush to reply.

"I think that I'd rather spend the night with you, even if you 'haven't the slightest feeling' in your heart for me and from where I'm sitting, I could care less if she wins the pot or dates the Giant Squid." I couldn't help a surge of affection, and taking a swig of his Guinness, I put my other arm around his neck and kissed his lips with all of the feeling I could muster. I thought I heard someone give a low whistle in the background, but I was a little too preoccupied to pay attention.

I broke off, suddenly, hearing Remus give a curse and saw that everyone had folded but he and Cerulina who were both all in. It was clear that Cerulina'd won, she was pulling in all of his coins, and the Three Broomsticks coupons someone had thrown into the pot.

"Don't worry, babe!" I said, "My stacks all yours!" Remus eyed me weirdly, then looked at James.

"You are so going to regret this in the morning," he said. I wasn't sure which part he meant I was going to regret, but I was pretty sure he was right.

A couple of hands later, James and I had finished a few more bottles. The Muggle Night thing, everyone agreed, was a great idea. Cerulina was remarkably tolerant, but Farrah had passed out. Peter lost all his money and was watching the others play with droopy eyes, sprawled lazily over the Lounge couch. Sirius was into the game, he was really close to catching up with Lina, judging from the coin pouches in front of them. Remus had doubled up what I gave him, but it was small fish compared to the stakes they were playing by.

James folded most hands, not getting very lucky, but I thought that he could've managed a couple of hands and pointed it out, despite the fact that he didn't listen. He was waiting for a good hand and a good pot.

I admired James so much for his patience. He was so kind, good, moral, and he hadn't tried a single thing though vaguely I wished he had. I kissed his ear sloppily for what must've been the thirtieth time that night as he folded an Ace-King offsuit.

"That was a good hand," I said.

"Hmm." I kissed his lips again, I couldn't help myself they were so soft. He deepened the kiss, and I must've moaned. I heard Sirius say, "Damn, Lily, who knew you were so repressed!" He made me sound like some kind of deprived closet freak! I couldn't help the quiet sobs that escaped my throat. I wanted to leave, but couldn't get up, I was so dizzy.

"Lily, calm down," James said.

"I wanna go!" I yelled at him.

"Damn it, Sirius, look what you've done. She was perfectly quiet before now, eh?" James said, unaffected by my futile efforts at prying his hands from my back.

"I'm not some damn child, James Potter! It figures that's why you were being so nice! You wanted me _quiet_ so you and your friends could play your game in peace!

"I'm sorry, Lils, I didn't mean you were a prude or anything," I heard Sirius say, but I was on a roll. I had a new reason to be upset now.

"Well, its not peace and quiet now, is it?" said James.

"Well fine! Lemme go then, and it will be!"

"Not in this condition you're not!"

"Worried that I'll expose you lot to some teacher walking back to the Tower?"

"No! Worried that you'll break your neck falling down stairs or something, Lily, please control yourself!" They'd all stopped playing poker to stare at me. I looked around at them and then buried my head in his chest.

"James, I'm sorry I ruined your night…"

"It's alright, Lils, you definitely didn't ruin my night, made it amazing, on the contrary," he patted my back. I sniffled and used the handkerchief I'd dug out from my cloak pocket.

"I have ruined your night. Farrah spent hours to look all pretty just for you, and I totally stole you 'way from her," he put his hand on my mouth and shook his head, smiling, but I figure its because he thinks Peter will wake up or something, "And now you guys aren't playing because I'm throwing a tantrum, and," I looked at Sirius and Remus then back at James, "James, I want you to have the best time ever, ok?" My voice had gone hoarse, and the last sentence I barely had out. I noticed that Cerulina was picking up things and tidying up.

"I am, Lily, are you calm now?" he asked, holding my hands.

"No, listen Potpot," Sirius giggled at the name, and even I smiled a little, "I want you to have the best time ever because I like to see you happy, eh? And I like to see you happy because I love you very much. I've loved you and all you are for ages now, yes?" James looked pain stricken. I hadn't said anything bad, but I wanted to make it better. "I mean it, I'm sorry if you don't feel the same…"

He shook his head, looking down at both our hands.

"Shouldn't it make you happy that someone cares for you, even if you care for them back?" I asked him, hoping that he'd realize it was true, and that I didn't expect for him to reciprocate any of my feelings as long as he knew I felt them. I was too much of a coward to say it when I was sober, but atleast they were out.

"James?" I asked. I sighed and looked at the others to see if they'd heard. Remus had now taken over the cleaning up role because Cerulina had frozen with about eight beer bottles in her hand, and her mouth was slightly open. Sirius looked much the same except the beer bottles were the two cards he held as he stared at me. "What are you people looking at? Am I not allowed to express my heartfelt admiration of an individual without being prone to disbelief? What am I, a heartless robot or something?" I looked back at James, "…and now I'm yelling at your friends," I laughed. "I've ruined your night completely, haven't I? I'm just going to go, then." I took advantage of having shocked James and pulled away from him and even got all the way up in the direction of the exit.

"No, Lils wait!" said James, also standing up before I could take a step. "Sorry I couldn't help clean up," he said to the others before walking out with me.

"To the tower?" I said, pointing in the direction I thought the Tower was in. I'd just told him that I felt the total opposite of what I'd been conveying, and I hadn't had the reaction…or any of the reactions that I'd expected.

"Lily, did you mean what you said?" asked James, stopping in the middle of the corridor. By now, I felt quite sleepy…and as he'd roused the prospect of a warm bed in my mind, delaying it did not make me happy.

"No, I was just being a drunkard," I snapped.

"Oh."

"'Course I meant it, you Potpot," I said, and kissed his cheek for reassurance. "Now come on, before the Fat Lady falls asleep again."

We went to the Fat Lady and he said the password. I couldn't even remembered what I was supposed to do, or why in hell a damn portrait was talking. It was damn freaky.

"Thanks ma'am, you're the best portrait ever," I said, and James closed my mouth hurriedly. I couldn't see what was so wrong with that, but I supposed later when I remembered the night's events that he didn't want me striking up a conversation with her and risk anyone's finding out about all the underage gambling, and drinking and reefer (Farrah)…

James's dorm looked very much like ours I think, I can't remember the details. I plopped down on his bed. James sat down in a chair beside us (the bed and I), and I, very much drunk as I was couldn't help but feel rejected.

"You can't lie down in the same bed as Lily Evans?"

"Lily, really," James began.

"James, I love you when I'm drunk, I love you when I'm sober, I love you always. Can't we atleast pretend that things are the way I want them to be in the absence of pride, or circumstance, or your personal attraction to me?"

"I've always been attracted to you, I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" James said, taking off his shoes and socks.

"Sure, Potpot." I don't know what possessed me (It may have been the Guinness) but I'd also begun stripping down. Off went my jeans, my heavy cloak, my Wasps Jersey…

"Lily what the hell?" James asked, covering his eyes. I snorted. "Lily, no! I'm a virgin, I wouldn't even know what to do!"

"Well, thas perfect then isn't it?" I had a sudden urge to use the bathroom, "Hol'on, gotta go!" I found some bathroom down the hall, and realizing I had sprinted down there in my underwear, couldn't help but giggle. I stepped out, my hands wet, and sprinkled it on James's plum red face. "Needed some cooling down."

"Lily would you please put your clothes back on?"

"Hah! I've wanted to do this for years, Potpot…I'm not stopping because we're virgins, or because the only thing that would give me courage is alcohol!"

I stumbled to the boys' Dorm. "This is you guys, righ'?" James nodded. I went back under the covers of James's bed, feeling cold. I closed my eyes, and smiled at the clean smell of the linens. James wormed his way in too, and his Quidditch toned chest proved a warm place for my head. I pushed my hand in his boxers, hearing him emit a soft curse above me. He reached around to undo my bra, and his cold hands blasted all coherent thought out of my head. I touched the tip of his erection, and his hands tightened around me. He pulled me up with surprising strength and kissed me.

His fingers had slipped between my legs, and I could feel him under my right knee. Who should suddenly make a grand entrance but Sirius and Remus, slamming open the door, _giggling_ about something or other. I hurriedly pulled the covers up around my chest.

"Fucking hell!" I screamed, "you and your goddamn friends."

"Calm down, its their dorm too," James said pulling up the blankets the right way.

"Er…we'll umm…just…" Sirius began.

"Sleep in the Room of Requirement," said Lupin.

"Yes, do, please!" I agreed, "Just tonight, and I'll be bloody gone, it'll never bloody happen again." James pulled the curtains around and rummaged around for some of "Carminthia's Contraceptive Contraptions" in Sirius's drawer. Finding a "Caramel-Apple flavored" one he got back into bed. He spent an awful lot of time squinting at the directions.

"James, it's just a condom, how difficult can it be?" I grabbed the thing out of his hands, and soon we were both squinting at the directions.

"I think I can manage," I said, "take those boxers off, eh?"

"Lils you sure you want to do this?" he asked again.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter you've asked me that question so many times that you succeeded in getting rid of my hard-on. I hope you're happy now." I somehow managed to slip the thing over Potpot's hideous genitalia, and reached up to kiss him again as he patiently ran his hands all over my body. I was ready to scream.

"I love you too, Lils," I heard him whisper in my ear, and I wasn't sure if it was his words or his hot breath which thrilled me more. I was quite sure, although, that that was all I could remember having happened.


	7. Couple

I couldn't help but be upset with her. She had chosen, I suppose, but the two of them were suddenly so close, like the rest of the world didn't exist. As much as my rational mind denied it, I could not help the feeling that she led me on for half of my life. I walked in on a right scene this morning. Lily was wiping her cherry red nose on the covers she had tucked around her, and James had her by the shoulders, muttering something in her ear.

When I walked in, neither of them looked up. I supposed she and he had had sex the night before and she now regretted it. Good riddance to the both of them. Lying hypocrites the whole lot. I grabbed my towel and brush and left to go take a shower. It was about nine and Sirius was still sleeping. Peter was hungover, and I doubted he knew his way back from the Prefect's Tower so I left the map on the coffee table, wiped of course, with Farrah there and all.

I hoped Lily and James weren't coming to breakfast, I wasn't quite ready for the great announcement. I hurried to get ready, wanting at least to grab something before it was all gone, being Sunday morning, a busy time for the house elves.

* * *

She had in fact passed out before they could do anything.

When Lily and James came down to breakfast it was close to eleven. Remus had indeed left with the rest of the "early risers_,"_ but the majority of the school's population was just now waking up. There was a quiet chatter at the Gryffindor Table and when they entered, it thinned abruptly.

The two sat down at the seats someone had left open for them in the center table in front of Sirius and Cerulina, both of whom were busy with their porridge.

"'Lo" Sirius muttered, giving Lily a wary glance. She wasn't paying attention.

"Hey," said James, loading up a plate and setting it in front of her. "Eat."

"Yeah, ok," she said to her own surprise, picking up her fork and moving her bacon around.

"Sprout gave me a 79 on the Phosporescence Essay," Cerulina said to Lily, "Something about 'not enough original contribution on top of Lily's work'."

"Figures she'd have a Charm or something to see that we'd copied," Lily said, "She's probably going to give me a fifty 'cos I let everyone copy off me."

"Don't be a pessimist, Lily." James grabbed a piece of bacon off Lily's plate and watched Marianne Worthings cursorily.

"Don't you have to help Marianne with her Charms homework, by the way?" Lily commented nonchalantly.

"Hmm? Yeah…s'pose I could get one of the other Prefects to do it…" he trailed off.

"Oh no, she'll be disappointed then won't she? Probably failing Charms on purpose. Why put all her efforts to waste?"

James rubbed his hot neck. "Lily, please," he muttered under his breath, as Sirius had stopped eating and Cerulina began to pretend she hadn't heard anything. Lily's friends Wendy and May, sitting close by were no longer making a secret of their curiosity.

"Will you help her, James?" Lily said, looking at his eyes, challenging him. If he disagreed, he would prove her right, and if he agreed, he would mess things up with her. Either way, she got what she wanted.

"If you want me to, I will Lily," said James, reaching for her hand under the table. He had waited so long for this, he didn't want to ruin it because of his silly reputation. He no longer cared for it, or hers for that matter. When she pulled her hand away at his touch, he got a little more than angry.

"It doesn't matter what _I_ want you to do…you have your own freewill, James Potter," she said. James pressed his lips together and fisted his hands. She was absolutely impossible.

"You're impossible," he said. He stood up and kissed her briefly on the side of her forehead and left the Great Hall. "You know where to find me when you've decided to get over it."

Wendy and May couldn't stop staring at her. Lily dropped her knife with a loud clatter, cracking the porcelain plate. "Miss Evans!" said McGonagall from the Head Table, "Control your temper!"

"Yes madam," said Lily, also throwing her napkin on the table and exiting similarly.

"Er…domestic conflict," she heard Sirius explain to the remaining Gryffindors.

"What happened with those two? Last night?" asked May.

"I'm not sure, exactly." Sirius and Cerulina looked at one another then at May. Cerulina also shook her head.

"They seem a great deal closer," said Wendy.

"Last night we were playing a game of cards in the Prefect's Lounge. Lily got really drunk and told James she loved him and they went off together."

"What?" exclaimed May, "No!"

"Don't look at me, I'm just as confused as you are," said Sirius, shrugging his shoulders, "I came back to the dorm, and they were both in James' bed, not looking too innocent might I add," he said.

"Lily?" said Cerulina, "Impossible!" They were now talking in hurried whispers, and the rest of the table kept shooting them curious glances. "Remus is going to be crushed when he finds out," she remarked. Sirius gave her a pointed look.

"He was with me."

"Oh, no! Have they talked to him?" asked Wendy. May looked pale, and silent.

"I think he's avoiding them. He's in Hogsmeade, 'posting something' he told me."

Cerulina shook her head again. "I had no idea Lily could be so irresponsible."

"Give her a break," May piped up, "she was drunk!" Cerulina looked a little surprised that May could talk much less that she was standing up with the same girl that she'd been fighting with for the past week.

"Yeah," Lina gave a conciliatory smile to May and Wendy, "I had no idea Lily was such a party animal…James is guaranteed good sex for the rest of his life, and that's good I guess," she said, waggling her eyebrows for emphasis. The four of them erupted with giggles, and startled quite a few first years at the far end of the table.

* * *

"Lily, if this is going to work, you're going to have to trust that I love you. You're more important to me than any Mariannes or Farrahs, or Cerulinas that come round…for as long as we do feel this way about each other, got it?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, James."

"Alright then," he pulled her into a hug that she returned. "I have a feeling that things are getting a little out of hand in the magic world, Lils. I'm glad I have you with me at least."

She pulled away, "What do you mean?" she said in a whisper. They were standing in the corridor in the East Wing where she had caught up to him.

"The wizarding world…" he said, holding her hands in his own, "is far more dangerous now than it ever has been."

"And the Ministry? Dumbledore will take care of things, right? Or is he part of this danger?"

"I'm afraid people don't want to believe Dumbledore when he bears bad news, whether he can help them or not."

"Sirius? Is he going to side with his family?" Lily seemed hesitant to ask this question, for fear of making James angry. She knew that he'd run away from home, but she still saw him going off to talk to his brother Regulus, sneaking off during Hogsmeade Trips or late nights when she sat downstairs in the Common Room with homework.

"I…hope not."

"He won't," said Lily firmly. "We have to set things straight, let him know that we're there for him forever, whether we're fighting or not."

"And you have to fix things with your friends too," James said, pushing a strand of hair away from her cheek, "and Remus."

"We both have to fix things with Remus," said Lily. "I'm glad we're together, James, and I'm glad you've stopped being a stupid prat."

"I'm glad too, now let's go work on that stupid project for Defense…Its due in three days, and I have a Quidditch match to plan for."

"Yeah, remember you promised to go to Hogsmeade with Brunhilde," reminded Lily.

"Yeah, she's one hell of a Beater. I hope your break-up with Antonio doesn't affect his performance in the match. Maybe we should keep our relationship low-key until I can find myself another Chaser."

"Good thinking, I really want that House Cup this year…Sirius and Cerulina are single handedly losing us a thousand points snogging in the hallways."

"Sirius and Cerulina, what a perfect couple, yeah?" They looked at each other and snorted.

"I don't care how great a couple they are, if I have to settle for second place to Slytherin, I swear…" Lily trailed off.

"I can't wait till you're Head Girl next year, Lils," James said, "you can just take off points to even things out." He noted that her face fell a notch.

"I'm pretty sure I heard McGonagall and Sinistra discuss Marianne's getting the position in Astronomy last Wednesday," she confided.

"Nonsense," said James, "They're just trying to throw you off your guard, make you think you're not going to be Head Girl so they can watch you overwork yourself. Screw Marianne, she's got nothing on you."

Lily smiled widely. Yes, screw Marianne. Screw the world. She tightened her hold on James's hand.


End file.
